| ON BIRTH AND DEATH AND THE PASSING OF LE LY'S 102 YEAR OLD MOTHER, TRAN THUI HUYEN (Part 3) |
Yesterday, Friday April 29, 2006 around 4 pm, I asked that our mother be released from Danang General Hospital so we can take her home. After a long discussion with our family members and nurses, the hospital released our mother to us. There is a good reason to have our mother rest on her own bed before her departure from this world to be with our father. So we requested an ambulance from the hospital, but we got an old van with an old stretcher instead. There were many people released from the hospital yesterday as well. Not because they are well enough to go home, but because there aren’t any doctors or nurses on duty. To let people go home means less responsibility for the hospital. When I saw so many sick people pushing out the door to go home, I asked some of them “Why?” They told me “May 1st is a national holiday, Labor Day or International Workers Day, here in Vietnam. Most doctors and nurses have left the hospital." We lost our father in 1968 and his only grandson, Nam, in 1994 in this same hospital for the same reason. There wasn’t anyone on duty for 3 days during the holiday, just like this here. But the other reason we chose to leave is that my face has become too familiar to people in the hospital, who continually ask for help! I just cannot do it any more. And the weather is raining so it is better for her to rest at home. We still feed her through the tube and she has a problem breathing, but she is OK. Today, my brother Bon went to visit a local astrologer and found out that she will depart from us within the next 3 days! Tomorrow is Sunday, which will be a “bad” day if she goes. Monday will be the best, but Tuesday is the worst. The astrologer told us that now she’s working with heaven and they are the ones who choose the right date for her to go!
My job is to work with the Buddhist monks and nuns who will be at our house starting tomorrow evening to perform and offer prayers for Mother, not only for all the ceremonies, but continuously for 100 days after her death. That will help our Mother’s soul to be released from this world to be with our ancestors in the higher spirit realm. I also have to go shopping for fresh flowers, fruit, and much-much paper money, clothes and other gifts for old “Ghosts” so they will be nice and friendly to our poor Mother’s new soul. The People’s Committee from the government has signed up for 3 people to help my brother Bon to plan the funeral ceremony, not only with monks and nuns, but also a team of pallbearers for the casket and a large group of dancers for the “old and new souls”. That is for all the village to come and enjoy, more like a party for them. Three years ago I put a down payment for a very nice coffin for Mother when she was very sick back then. Now we will have the coffin delivered along with all new clothes to dress mother up, and every member in the family will dress in white. My sister Hai will be very busy with many things, and looking after who is coming and bringing what. That way we know what to return when they die. She also watches who is coming to pay respects to our mother and who doesn’t! She will also make sure if anybody owes our mother anything or our mother needs to pay off any debts or loans to anyone.
The most busy time will be when mother is in her casket. We then have to stand in line all day and night to “return to each person 3 bows”, to those who come to pay respects to Mother by burning incense for our Mother’s soul, if she is passing on a good date. If not, it will be somewhat different! (If you want to know more about the “funeral ceremony” please read When Heaven and Earth Changed Places on page 210-215 about our father’s funeral). Because our mother will be passing soon, today two different weddings are happening in the Phung families! If the couples do not get married before our mother’s passing, they have to wait for 1 year on the daughter’s side and 3 years for the son. That is why Eddie, my sister Lan’s, son, is getting married tomorrow. I pushed Alan to marry his girl friend, Thuy, tomorrow too, but he refused to do so. He said that is not his custom! I was with my mother since yesterday morning, and stayed up with her all night and just got back this late afternoon. I now need to go to bed. But I would like update you on other matters as well.
How sad to see at the last moment before my mother’s departure into the van, people run up to me for money to pay this and that so they can get out. For the last 2 days, it turned into more like a homeless center where my mother’s been staying. Anyway, it’s another story to write and tell. I thank you so much for the many of you sending your “love notes” and kind words to our family. I will keep you in my thoughts and I will be in touch again soon! With Love, Le Ly :: Go to Part 4 :: Part 1
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After this report you won’t hear from me again until everything is over. So I hope you are interested to hear about our culture and customs on the subject of dieing and living. 
Tomorrow morning sister Hai and brother Bon will consult with the best wizard in the village for more detail. I have been told many times before that I cannot be near our Mom when she is passing, or when it is time to put her in the coffin, or when she goes into her grave. Because my mother’s and my astrological signs are in conflict, I must stay away from all three functions. That is why I am now in the office writing this update report while everybody else is with our mother in Ky La.
Sister Lan is not much help at all here. Sister Ba will be taking care of all the betel nuts, food supplies, and receiving and hosting a lot of guests. She will offer the betel nut, cigatecite (cigarettes?) and wine as well, as well as make sure all things go well. Ba has experience from her Husband, Chin, who passed away 3 years ago. Her children’s families will help us with the 3 days and nights of cooking for hundreds of people who come for the funeral along with their family members. We will be very busy. 
I donated 1 million dong ($80) to the young man with the heart operation. (He was also released from the hospital yesterday but has no money for medications.) After Mark Conroy met with him we still don’t know if East Meets West Foundation can help or not, so I just went ahead and helped him out with 2 months of medications. I also donated a couple more million dong to other poor women and men who were released from the hospital but had no money for transportation to go home or no money to buy any kind of medications. Everything has to be paid by the family here. In the US we get the hospital bills after we go home! But here you cannot leave the property unless everything is paid in full and you cannot check into the hospital if you don’t show the bag of cash or insurance booklet! Things are very bad!!!