May 20th. 
Dear everyone!

On behalf of our family here in Vietnam, we would like to send this "thank you and deepest appreciation message" to so many of you who sent condolences on our mother's passing.  Even though many of you had never met her and have only read about her in my books, and the stories she told in the press and in the Global Village newsletter etc.

Some of you opened your home to her while she visited for 3 months in the USA and Thailand in 1994. Many of you visited her at her home in Ky La village and fell in love with her, accepting her as your own family member.

We are honored that some of you had a chance to meet our mother while she still could hold you, kiss your hands, and touch you on your head! All that means she wanted to transfer her "Tuoi Tho" to you! She did that as a gift from her to you
as an old soul! We are very happy when we saw she did that. In return you also gave her so much joy, fun and happiness while you were with her at her own home and village. You had come so far and touched our family deeply with your love
and compassion in many ways. Our mother is now well rested right next to our father and over a hundred of her and the Phung family members in a peaceful place.  (We hope!) Her grave is right behind the Mother's Love Clinic, and you can still visit her if you like. We will take you there.

However, we now worry about our sister Hai who stayed with our father until his final day in 1968. Hai then has looked after our Mom since the war end 1975. Hai is now 76 years old and very lonely without Mom around. Therefore, I will stay in the village with Hai when I can, and chant and pray for our mother's soul to be with our ancestors soon.

The funeral was big. It was the biggest funeral in the village ever.  Because of the war, no one could have such a funeral.  But after the war, everyone was very poor and survival must come first.

Because our mother and family members were recognized by the local government, officials in the village, and the city of Danang, many international guests came to pay their respects at her funeral. Therefore, the local level did a good job and villagers responded very nicely. Also, it had big support from the monks at Quan The Am Temple, at the Marble Mountain, and the high priests from other temples came before and after the funeral as well.

Since Mother passed, the Monks and priests have performed many ceremonies and chanted sutras for many days, but still continue for many more ceremonies up to 100 days after her death.   The first ceremony after her funeral was two days ago, called "one week ceremony", done 7 days after the date of death, and "Mo Cua Ma", 3 days after the funeral called "open grave".

After the 7 days ceremony, there will be many more ceremonies such as 14 days, 21 days, 49 days and 100 days. But the biggest ceremony of all is the 49 days. That will be on June 28, and on August 18 is the last ceremony for 100 days. After that comes one year anniversary, and that is when we have to "tra nghia" or "repay" all people who visited and helped her at her funeral. So far there were total 10 ceremonies all together by Buddhists monks, nuns and priest.

Our mother passed away at 7:30 PM, on May 11, 2006, because she knew that both my brother Bon Nghe and I cannot be with her while she is passing. She waited all day for Bon to take me back to Danang for a shower and for him to make an offering called "Cung Ram", on April 14-15, a full moon holiday on the Luna calendar and a very big holiday, Buddha's birthday!  Especially this year, which celebrates 2,630 years since the Buddha's birthday.  

As soon as we left our mother's house for Danang, about 5 miles away, my brother was ready to pray and me to jump in the shower. But as soon as we arrived, Sister Ba called and let us know that Mom was gone!  Bon and I turned around to the village and when we reached our house we saw many villagers and family members all over our front and back yard.  No one can do anything until brother Bon and I are present, and because he is the only and eldest son, and I am the youngest daughter, we have the right to do whatever is needed to be done.

Bon parked his motorcycle and I ran in first to be at our mother's side.  She looked good and still warm, just like before we left her. I held her hand and waited for Bon to arrive.

The first thing was we took off the oxygen wire from her nose and the IV from her arm. We hugged and loved her body just like we always did before. Our mother was still warm, but did not respond or make any noises. The second thing was to turn her bed around, and put her head to the direction of the font door and her feet against the wall. This means that when her soul moves out of her body and stands up and walks into the house from outside. (While we are still alive we cannot lay this way.  Only when we are dead.)

My cushions covered her face up with 3 pieces of "giay tien vang bac" money and gold papers for the dead. I took out the Quan Minh Blanket (Buddha faces and writing in red ink on yellow cloth) that I have had for her for a long time and I cover her whole body up.

Some of our family members were meeting outside and some of our relatives put money and gold papers on each of our four altars and shrines. The first one is for our father and grandparents altar in the house, the other 3 shrines at the outside of our home. That is to let all spirits in the family know that we just had some one pass away, and from now on no one will burn the incense or make any contact with them until after the funeral. Only the monk will take 3 pieces of paper down from each place. I still sit right next to our mother and take noteof her body lying there.

The very next thing I saw was people putting an oil lamp out.  I gave them some white candles and oil that I brought home for this a long time ago. There were 3 cooked rice balls and one hard-cooked egg cut into 3 pieces place in front of our mother's head.

Now we started to know something was different in the house.  The villagers and family members started to cried because the white candle is burning only when someone is dead, I started to smell the kerosene at each of the four legs of her bed, china dishes filled up with kerosene to keep bugs away. When all that was done by our relatives, Bon and I were a little lost and didn't know what to do or how to act.

The next and most importance thing for brother Bon and our nephews to do is to visit the best "Thay Dong" (or wizard) in Ky La village by the name of Mr. Muoi or Ten, we called him. He is the one who will tell us the programs and plan the funeral. Mr. Muoi wrote down everything that our family needed to do and told us it needed to be done by when. Or even after the funeral. Thank God that our mother's passing on a good date and in a good hour of the date. The year was bad, but it's too long for me to tell you that here. After Bon returned from wizard we had a program to do.

Some family members were meeting outside to plan about "ao tang", the white cheap cloth made of linen. We needed to know how many family members there are, because although we only had 5 children, there are so many grand and great-grandchildren who would like to "De Tang" or wear the white linen for our Mother, because of love and high respect, but there are so many! So we have to know who can or cannot wear it before we make or buy them. We cannot make more than we need. If we do, more people in the family will die. There is a big story to tell about why, when and who can or cannot wear these white clothes!

(There is no way I can explain it all in here for now. So you have to wait.)

Every one stood up very fast when we saw Bon come back from the wizard. After he read the program of the funeral, everyone was relieved, because we will have some time to prepare and get ready for the funeral.

The real funeral program we cannot start until 2 PM tomorrow. So while we are waiting I asked our bother Bon to go to the market to buy a lot of fresh flowers and fruit, white candles, incense and burners, along with paper monies and all the funeral material.

I know we will have many offerings and ceremonies for many days ahead. Therefore, I asked family members to help me set up a table and to bring a big, tall Quan The Am (bodhisattva of Great Compassion) statue from our family temple into our house for the monks, nuns and I to chant with each and every night. I know no one will sleep tonight, with our family and relatives talking and not being able to sleep, so they stay up to have coffee and tea all night.

We all worry that a black cat could jump over our mother body. If that happens she would stand up and walk out just like she was still alive! But what or whoever is in font of her, she will hit that thing or person and they will fall down and die. We make sure that all the doors are closed tight, and family members always stand by and visit Mom, who is now still warm and soft. Even though we know she is dead, but we still play with her body. There is nothing for me and Phuong to do, so we left the village for Danang at 11 pm. I went back to Danang to shower and to get all the things that I had brought home for my mother's funeral in the last many years. :: Go to Part 6

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